Since I started this blog back in early January, I have been posting images on a daily basis. Only once did I post without an image. So that makes this the second.
Now that my wife and I have both hit 60 years of age, we are finding ourselves obsessing about time. Obviously the number of years behind us far outnumber the number of years ahead of us. We feel compelled to view each moment as precious. And maybe, just maybe, that has made us selfish when it comes our time. There is so much that we still want to do and it feels like time is just slipping away.
Right now I am feeling somewhat overwhelmed by demands on my time that I seem to have little control over. Always present are the demands from my job in health care marketing. Add to that the demands from an elderly parent which were there before the broken hip and are only multiplied now. Add to that the demands from a sick cat (one of five) who needs to be cared for here at home. Then there are my own problems – back and hip pain that keep me awake at night and make doing the things I love (outdoor photography, hiking, birding) so difficult. I have still been doing them but at times the pain is so sharp that getting down on the ground and back up is very difficult. And every step is with pain. I was just to the doctor for that and now I have to find time for x-rays, MRIs, physical therapy and what not.
And with all that going on, we are racing toward our long planned and much needed vacation. We have vacationed in Maine over the past 10 years. This year we are booked for two weeks in Bar Harbor/Acadia National Park and it is coming up soon. Too soon for someone with a mother in rehab, a sick cat and back and hip pain of my own. We have had arrangements made for months. We will take a trip to Machias Seal island to photograph Puffins, Razorbills and Murres. We will participate in the Acadia Birding Festival. I will be making images of wildflowers, wildlife, land- and seascapes with sunrises and sunsets. And we plan to hike.
As I said, it is a much needed vacation. But rather than looking forward to it, I can’t look past the immediate future and decisions on what needs to be done at work, with my mother, with the cat and with my back. As the days tick down, I am looking for answers and they are slow in coming.
In the meantime, I don’t even have time to get out and take a few pictures. The hour I stole that resulted in the last two entries (Star of Bethlehem and Wild Geraniums) has been all I could free up in the past week or so. And I don’t know when I will get more time.
I got a new toy yesterday. I had an old Canon Rebel XT that was in excellent condition but no longer being used. So I sent it off to a company called Life Pixel to have it converted into an infrared camera. It just came back yesterday and I don’t know when I’ll have a chance to try it out.
At times like this I reflect back on a series of conversations with my mother over a period of many years. So many times I told her that I wanted to do this or do that and she would say to me “What’s the hurry? You have your whole life ahead of you.” Then one day I said that I was wanting to do something and the answer changed to “Well you better do it now. You don’t know what the future holds.”
And that’s where I am. I have so many things that I want to do and I feel that I have lost control of that precious commodity – time.
If you have read this far – thanks! I just felt the need to write down some of what has been going on in my head. Hopefully it will have a cathartic effect.
And when I get a chance, I will post a shot of my set-up for those of you who have asked.
I know exactly how you feel friend.
I have a passion for nature photography as well but can never seem to find the time to do the things I would like to do.
Hopefully some day I will have the time, but until then I just want to enjoy each day as it comes and make the most of it.
Oh yes,…. your words hit home with me, Ed. At the age of 67 and (post un-planned for divorce) I find myself working in a school district for the school year, I have very little time that isn’t devoted to work, granddaughter’s sports, etc. I totally understand. I have slid back to only on the ave. of 2 posts per week on my blog. I can hear the clock ticking and I don’t like it. Take care of yourself, do what you have to do to have quality at this time of your life. That’s what I’m trying to do.
I think this is a common problem among all ages. I find my life is slipping away while I am slaving in some cubicle and working until late at night at my various blogs and photography. California has become expensive, also in terms of time it takes just to keep the head above the water here. Maybe its time to move on, scale back on the needs and wants and take things slower while I still can.
BTW., how much did you pay for the conversion to IR? I have contemplated that many times before. Did they adjust it for a certain lens?
I know what those feeling are like too, Ed. It appears that vacation is something you really need right now! I certainly wish you all the best! Things, however, will work out as they always do. The really important stuff will come out on the top of the list! Enjoy the vacation and stay safe!
Thank you for sharing Ed. My heart goes out to you. I have similar struggles so can really relate to a lot you are saying. I am sure you are doing everything you can to do what you need to do. And that’s what’s important. I wish I had words to make everything better, but I don’t. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I do hope and pray that your vacation is pure enjoyment and relaxation for you and your wife. Best wishes…
Hoping Maine will be just the tonic you need. Blogging should never be so important, you miss out on the really good stuff. I am filled with gratitude as each day passes that I can spend a lot of my time doing what I love most–photography, writing, reading, spending time with my family. Never know what tomorrow brings! My best to you, Ed!
Ed,
I know what you mean about time. I am almost 59 and retired, but there still is no time. The days slide by far too quickly. I don’t think my pain problems are nearly as severe as yours, but a year ago I could walk miles in the backcountry without pain, but that is not now the case. During my recent trip to Elk County, I developed a severe amount of back pain, and stiffness after a mornings excursion. It makes me think that the day may soon be here that I will no longer be able to carry the heavy lenses and cameras into the backcountry.
Also I have a very annoying eye problem that really distracts me from my photography. I have vitreous floaters to the degree that there are times I want to stop using the camera and get in a dark area where they are not visible. In short what you wrote about really resonates with me and I understand what you are saying completely.
On a positive note, I really enjoyed your latest flower posts, and the birds were great. Again I agree with you about how frustrating they can be to photograph, but you certainly delivered on these two shots.
I guess the best we can do is to try and find time to pursue our passion for nature photography, and enjoy it as much as possible in spite of our physical problems, but I do wish things were better on that front.
Best of luck on your vacation and I look forward to seeing many more photographs from you!
Ed, you are not only a great photographer, you’re an excellent writer. Great self expression, I’m never disappointed when I check your site. I am sorry for how things are going right now for you. I hope the path clears for you to do the things you enjoy.
Balance is key. Most of us know the answer on how to get where we need and want to be. Just takes a little introspection. Seems like you’re quite close.
Take good care. Mary Anm
Take care of yourself, brother.
By the way, very cool of you to get the IR conversion. IR is so much easier with digital than film. Although be prepared for some LONG exposures.
Hi Ed,
Yes I think the feelings are maybe stronger for you but we do all have the same feeling. Time is passing very quickly and sometime we just forget to live really!!! I think we also have to say stop sometime, especially with the stress coming from work!!! You need these holidays, do not give up on them, it will be relaxing and good for you both. You will definitively enjoy them and forget a bit about life problems.
Hope everything will go fine in the coming days!!!!
It’s strange how things work out sometimes. I’ve been in a really bad place the past couple of days as I seriously consider my life, my time and how much of both my blog seems to be using up. I really don’t know yet what to do, but thank you for posting this. I think it was not only cathartic for you, but it gave me some perspective as well.
Hi, Ed:
Also being 60 years old, I know some of what you write about. It was at age 60 that I first realized that time is running out, that I can no longer say “I’ll do that some day.” This has been a year of adjusting to that realization.
At the same time, it has been a year of consciously slowing down. Although time is limited, I’m not in such a rush anymore. I’m learning to ask myself: “What is it I really want and need?” What am I doing out of habit, and what do I want to do? What is really worth doing?”
I am fortunate to be retired, which allows me more freedom of choice.
It seems that many factors have come together in your life to cause stress–job, physical pain, sick animal, elderly mother who suffered an accident, upcoming vacation. Thanks for sharing. From the comments, it seems you have expressed a condition familiar to many.
Anita